Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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