Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
