VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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