he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
