dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
