Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
