no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
