If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He did a backflip because drugs
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