My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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