i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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