There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
