o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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