It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
