Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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