I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
