ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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