3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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