I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
