If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
