even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
