Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
