My sheets look like a crime scene.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
