I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
