Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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