Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
