He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What a dumb baby whore.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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