he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
