Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
