Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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