...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
