You work out of a Hotel?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
