Where is the hickey?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
