I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
