Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
