Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
