is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
