I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
