So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
