plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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