How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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