He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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