I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
