Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
