I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
