Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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