You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
