I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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