This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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