Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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