I wish my penis had an off switch
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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