I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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