I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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