I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
