He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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